I have a 6th grader who often thinks out loud, asking hypothetical questions…not to anyone in particular.
“Is it possible to fail successfully?” he blurted out as he was getting ready to correct his Math homework.
I thought that was an interesting question. It stuck with me for the next couple of days.
Some major life decisions Gary and I have faced lately actually forced me to reflect back on the life we have chosen together for both our marriage and our family. I gave a talk today to a group of parents and told them that we were pretty radical…so much so that some people really don’t understand why we would go against social norms.
From choosing courtship over dating to saving our first kiss for the altar…from forgoing a reception after our wedding to having Gary quit his job and stay home with the kids. We use natural family planning instead of artificial contraception. We home-school our children. We’re having our 4th baby in October, above the average 1.86 children in each American household.
As crazy as all of this may sound to others, we have been very grateful for God’s graces that help us appreciate the simple things in life and nurture our relationships with the time and attention they require. It is true that we could be earning a lot more money than we do. We could be taking exotic vacations, driving expensive cars, or living in a luxurious house if we just took a different path.
But as Fr. Craig said to me recently with a grin from ear to ear, “We are called to be fools for Christ, Marianne. The world will not always accept or appreciate why we do what we do, but the important thing is knowing that we are doing God’s will.”
I do not stand in criticism over families who are well-to-do and are given opportunities to use their wealth according to God’s plan for their lives. To each is given blessings and responsibilities that accompany them. However, in the eyes of those who solely base success on material growth, we have failed. Considering their perspective, I believe we have failed successfully.
Our marriage is healthy…our kids are happy…and they know Our Lord. Their education also is coming along quite nicely, thanks to Dad’s supervision and guidance. Even as I type this, our 2-year-old boy is going through his sisters’ reading book and pointing out all the letter sounds he has learned.
Our life is by no means perfect, nor is it easy. It surely is not a cookie-cutter model for all families to follow. Yet each step of the way, God sets His word before us as a light unto our path showing us which direction to take. We can only be obedient to His call because only He knows what is in store for us and each one of our children. The foundation we are laying for them will prepare them for their vocations, for their careers, and for Heaven. We must also believe that our efforts will sanctify us and purify our own hearts to be formed and molded more and more into God’s likeness. And that is what matters the most.
To be honest with you, I would absolutely LOVE to spend a few weeks in Hawaii or go traversing all over Europe. But the reward will come someday, after the daily grind is over and I have done my part as a wife and mother. Jesus promises eternal paradise to each one of us…final rest in the Father’s loving arms…with no worry in the world…if we are simply faithful to Him and His commandments.
“There are no ‘if’s’ in God’s world. And no places that are safer than other places. The center of His will is our only safety – let us pray that we may always know it!”
― Corrie ten Boom, The Hiding Place
We have our 4th BELOVED session next week at Eduardo Verastegui’s Guadalupe Medical Center, and I must say I always enjoy every minute of it. The small, intimate audience allows me to really connect with each of the participants as I see how the ideas touch their hearts and spark a flame within that reveals God’s great love for them.
BELOVED evolved from a few different talks I’ve done in the past targeting youth and young adults. Based on Scripture and Theology of the Body, it paints a very clear picture of what a relationship between husband and wife should be. And for those who are disenchanted with the dating world, BELOVED introduces the revolutionary concept of modern-day courtship.
What?! Courtship???
Yes, friends, that’s right. The session is sprinkled with stories of how my husband and I developed our friendship and moved into courtship with the intention of discerning marriage to one another. The journey was so enlightening for both of us – not to mention a lot of fun – so we now feel the responsibility to share the experience with other young men and women who want to try something different.
How is it different?
You’d have to come to a session! Just kidding. If you really want to know, you can check out a presentation I gave a couple of years ago called “Goodbye Dating, Hello Courtship”. It’s not as detailed as BELOVED, though it does have many of the same components. If you want to hear all the funny, candid anecdotal stuff, you really would have to come all the way out to Downtown LA…
Really?
Yes, really!
And you get FREE STUFF. Cool free stuff! To keep for yourself or to give away as a gift… But nevertheless, it’s pretty cool.
At the very least, your presence allows me to take a beautiful walk down memory lane and reminisce about how God brought two very broken people together and loved them into healing. It’s good for me…good for our marriage…and therefore good for our kids.
The proceeds from BELOVED help fund future projects and events sponsored by As He Loves Ministries, as well as support the amazing pro-life work done at the Guadalupe Medical Center.
So if you’re down for this movement to revolutionize the culture for LOVE and LIFE, we’d love to have you! For more info on our BELOVED sessions, click here.
Today marks the release of Shades of Grey, a musical tribute to LIFE lived to the fullest. Any work of art reflects the deepest soul of the artist, and this rings true for SoCal’s up-and-coming singer/songwriter Tini Grey. You can read a great review of the album here: Tini Grey – Positive Vibrations
While I haven’t known Tini for very long, I have come to admire him and his wife, Angela Baraquio Grey, simply because as a couple they make an amazing team on so many levels. As faithful and devoted spouses, they show incredible love and support for one another and their work. Angie is Tini’s biggest promoter, rooting him on in every step of his professional career. In his first music video, “Company”, Tini features a beautiful pregnant Angie who he completely adores with all his heart. And as parents of three little boys and a baby girl due in December, they also take special care to give their children the time and attention they need as they direct them in the ways of the Lord.
My family and I were blessed to be part of the music video shoot and to get to know Tini and Angie a bit behind the scenes. As Gary drove Tini home, they talked church, family, and music. My husband was impressed not only by his talent, but also by Tini’s humility and genuine sincerity. It isn’t often that one so gifted would carry within him a gratitude that spills into his work…to where the work is a gift back to the Father who had blessed him so abundantly in the first place.
During the filming of the pool scene, I chatted with Angie about mutual friends and us both being Catholic school teachers. I so deeply appreciated the new friendship with this amazing woman I have looked up to from afar for the past two years. Being Miss America allowed Angie to travel the country as a spokesperson for meaningful causes, such as character education in schools and pro-life issues. She has witnessed to the reality of suffering and loss, only to bring it back to the importance of faith in God and the value of every human person.
I think the best thing about Tini and Angie is that they really do live what they believe in. They treasure their marriage, their family, and the life and dignity of their unborn child – and you can see all of that celebrated in the “Company” video. Just being there, we could clearly see that this is who they are. There is no act…no facade…no false image of a Tini and Angela Grey that was fabricated by a publicist. What you see comes straight from the heart.
A nice bonus connection was made when my brother Albert immediately befriended Tini’s sister Sisa, who is also an actress and one of the most godly women I have ever met. They already made plans for collaboration projects in the near future, and we’re so excited to see what fruits will come from their work!
When we dropped off Leilani and JJ after the shoot that evening, my sister Roselynn told me that Angie’s brother Albert (who she talks about in her Whole Life video below) and our brother Albert were born on the same year. This really touched us because we couldn’t imagine tragically losing someone so dear to us and still finding the strength to go on with life. But it was just one of those “coincidences” that proved to be a common thread weaving our families together somehow.
That day was “made in the Heavens”, as they say, because we were all truly refreshed and encouraged by the strong Aloha spirit shared by their ohana. We are so thankful to know Tini and Angie and their family because it is through their joyful example that we are reminded of God’s goodness in our own lives.
May our loving God bless you, Tini, Angie, Sisa, and the entire Baraquio-Grey families. Your presence is so precious in this world…
A common answer to a common question. But is it that simple?
Honestly, it wasn’t for me. My mom always told me that marriage was a calculated risk. I spent a lot of time calculating, and it took me a while to allow myself to take the risk.
When I met Gary, I asked mutual friends – GUY friends – about his character. They all were thrilled with him. No one made funny faces when I mentioned his name or hesitated when they told me I should give him a chance. I also sent him to talk to my spiritual director so he could get approval to begin the courtship. Why in the world would I do that? Because Fr. Ed is an excellent judge of character, specializes in Ignatian discernment, and is one of the strictest priests I know. If anyone was going to catch inconsistencies in this new boyfriend of mine, it would be him.
In every conversation, email, and letter (yes, he wrote me letters!), Gary did make sure to give me as much information as he could about how he grew up, successes and failures he had experienced, and life lessons that changed who he was from the inside out. He was very open with his dreams, his faith, his struggles, and his faults. Gary wasn’t trying to paint a picture for me of a false reality. I could clearly see that he was constantly working to give me the best version of himself.
Did he tell me EVERYTHING? No.
After we got married, I was surprised by the fact that he liked to watch a lot of TV. Would that have been a game-changer during our engagement? Of course not. Within the last six years of marriage, I found out that he also liked boy bands more than I did, he has a fetish for hats, and will randomly burst into song in the middle of a conversation.
By July 8, 2006, I at least knew what kind of a man I was going to marry, and I wanted the whole package. Forever.
It helped that I got input from the people who were important to me. Not just from my friends, but from my mom, my siblings, and my priest (since my dad passed away when I was 18). If I had doubts, I would always bring them to Fr. Ed, and until this day, he will only have good things to say about my husband. This means a lot to me because as our confessor, he has always been well aware of the challenges we have faced individually and as a couple.
Do we have our conflicts? Sure, we do. They’re not frequent, but it definitely still takes work to keep our relationship strong, as it would for anything you want to be good at. Have I ever regretted marrying him? Not for a second. There are too many signs that confirm how perfect he is for me. I’m a better person because of him. My trust in God has grown with him. I’m even healthier now than I was without him. And we have become a team in more ways than one – as parents, as mentors to other young couples, in ministry and in service to God’s people.
All that being said, I cannot stress enough how important it is to allow God to work in your life as a single person first because it prepares you to not only receive the gift of your future spouse someday, but also to give the gift of yourself to him or her. I remember making a list of all the qualities I wanted in a husband. Then I wrote a note to myself in my journal, saying that I needed to be all those things first. So many people are rushing into relationships for all the wrong reasons. They haven’t yet healed from the brokenness suffered from previous breakups and tend to bring their open wounds into their new relationship hoping for that person to just make the pain disappear. They are looking for someone to complete them, often not paying attention to the red flags that signal future heartache and frustration.
It’s a journey that we can only take with Jesus by our side, for the simple reason that He is the one who heals us. He transforms. He encourages. He empowers. He teaches us to love with a selfless, sacrificial heart.
So if you ever ask that question, “How do you know when you’ve found The One?”, you need to pose yet two other questions.
“Does he or she love you the way Jesus loves His Church?”
and
“Can you love him or her with the same self-giving love of Christ?”
When my CrMS Practitioner was temporarily out of commission due to health issues, the thought of going through the training myself became more and more appealing. With all the problems I was having with my chart, I needed help and I thought maybe I could meet someone through the Education Program who could figure out what was going on with me. But when I finally presented the idea to Gary, I figured I wouldn’t have the time or the money to go through with it. He responded with a very optimistic outlook (as he always does). “Babe, if you don’t do it now, you’ll never do it. You can help a lot of people.” And Gary backed me 150% of the way. From going with me to both EPs up in Three Rivers to watching the kids while I met with clients and worked on my assignments, he was an incredible support. I wouldn’t have been able to do it without him, especially because I was still teaching full-time at St. Jerome. My husband continues to be my greatest supporter to this day, and I’m SO glad he talked me into signing up for the program.
Gary and Therese at the St. Anthony Retreat Center, Three Rivers
2) OTHER PEOPLE NEEDED HELP
Apparently I wasn’t the only woman having problems with my fertility cycle. I heard that there were others who couldn’t get pregnant, having recurrent miscarriages, or weren’t getting their periods regularly. Gary was right – I COULD help a lot of people this way. And by the grace of God, I have had the privilege of teaching women how to observe and chart so they could identify problems and truly monitor what was going on with their cycles. There have also been many opportunities to listen to their struggles, to the challenges they face in their marriages and families, to pray for them and offer support in their individual situations. I am constantly left awestruck at the different ways I am able to give back to God the gifts He has so generously blessed me with.
3) MORE THAN A NETWORK, IT’S A FAMILY
The women I was trained with I know as my “sister-practitioners”, and rightly so. Linda, Jennifer, Camille, and Marcy are an incredible group of women who played an integral role in my EP experiences, sharing their stories and encouraging me through their prayers. Our “momma-educators”, Margaret Howard and Dr. Lynn Keenan, prepared us with the knowledge and counsel we would need to fight for authentic reproductive health…for the dignity of women…for love and life. Margaret is known as the “itinerant Educator”, traveling all over the world to train Practitioners and Medical Consultants in the Creighton Model. Her story is amazing and definitely worth reading…
My own practitioner and supervisor here in SoCal, Pat Poindexter, has also been a mother-figure to me, not only looking out for me during my internship but also for my family and personal well-being. Because of the common mission and purpose that binds us all together, every new intern is welcomed into the “family” with open arms and given support throughout their training program as well. If one of us needs something, there’s always another Practitioner willing to help because we know this work is too important to leave each other to go at it alone. Candice, Ann Marie, Peggy, Wendy, and Sarah – who all came into the program after I did – have become a wonderful presence in my life…even on Facebook!
Practitioner Refresher 2012 – Dr. Lynn Keenan, Ann Marie Paden, Wendy Arseneau, Peggy Stofila, Pat Poindexter, Dr. Candice Golez, Margaret Howard, Marianne Dyogi, Jenni Shaeffer
4) ALIGNED WITH GOD’S PLAN FOR LIFE AND LOVE
There is wisdom in God’s laws, and He imparts this wisdom upon His Church through the guidance of the Holy Spirit. It is the Magisterium – the teaching authority of the Catholic Church led by the Pope – that prayerfully discerns various situations that may arise with societal changes and technological advances. With such aggressive promotion of the Pill upon its distribution in the 1960s, a clear and immediate response came from the Church through Pope Paul VI’s encyclical Humanae Vitae. This document thoroughly explained God’s plan for the vocation of marriage and the gift of the marital act that allows husband and wife to participate in the transmission of human life. It described in detail the prophetic consequences that would wreak havoc on a society that would adopt artificial contraception as the norm for family planning – painting a very vivid picture of the world we live in today. The entire document is worth reading, for a greater understanding of why NFP has been advocated and birth control rejected. (full text)
5) BLESSED BY THE CHURCH
Ever since I began teaching CrMS at St. Peter Chanel, the priests have been my biggest source of referrals. It is a requirement for the engaged couples who want to get married at the parish because they need to know that there are services readily available to them – a method of planning their families that is not only natural and safe, but morally acceptable and aligned with Church teaching as well. I have also had clients come to me as their penance after receiving the Sacrament of Reconciliation, and these have been most inspiring because they are committed to changing their ways out of obedience to God and His good and holy will for their lives. Fr. Ed always greets me with enthusiasm and says, “I’ve got to be your #1 promoter! I’m sending as many couples as I can to you!” Fr. Larry reminds me how important and valued this work is, and I am so thankful for everything they are doing to provide a place for CrMS services at SPC.
6) MEETING AMAZING COUPLES
I would like to introduce you to Jack & Katrina Crow and Mark Anthony & Abby de Jesus. These are just two of the many incredible client couples I have worked with as a Creighton Model Practitioner who have not only strengthened my faith through the witness of their experiences, but have also become wonderful friends on this journey of life. Katrina has since joined the team and is currently one of our Practitioner Interns, and Jack also helps her do Introductory Sessions and informational talks about NFP awareness. Mark Anthony is the author of naprohusband.com, a heartwarming blog that shares the lessons learned as a Creighton Model husband who has lovingly supported Abby through her diagnosis and medical treatment. For her upcoming birthday, Abby has requested a donation to the Pope Paul VI Institute (CrMS/NaPro headquarters) in lieu of gifts – a humble gesture that totally made my heart smile. My clients always inspire me through their dedication to Christ and His Church who I can and should be as wife and mother, leading me to a greater conviction and sense of purpose.
Jack & Katrina Crow and Abby & Mark Anthony de Jesus
7) OUR CREIGHTON BABIES
When I was a brand new intern, Pat had shown me pictures in her binder of babies born to her clients who had difficulty conceiving. One by one, she told me their stories of hope and perseverance and spoke of the joy each mother felt when she finally gave birth to the child so desperately longed for. I wanted an album like that! Not that I could take full credit for the lives of these children, by any means – however, it would serve as a reminder of how good God is to those who are faithful. The experience of infertility is a painful one, as my clients have shared with me; and for a husband and wife to be blessed with a child after such waiting is a beautiful sight to see. So I present to you one of our Creighton babies, Ari Joseph Corral…
His beautiful mother, AJ, was one of my classmates in my LMU CAST program back in 2006. At the time, she told me that she and her husband were trying to have a baby for 6 years and nothing was happening. We reconnected in 2010 after I had begun my CrMS Practitioner Education Program, and I asked her if she might be interested in learning the Creighton Model. She said after 9 years she had accepted her infertility with peace but was open to meeting with me. I taught her, she charted and met with one of our Medical Consultants, used a fertile period while her husband was home for 2 weeks from Afghanistan, and in August 2011 little Ari was born!
AJ, Ari, and Armando Corral
8) WOMEN’S HEALTH AT ITS FINEST
The following excerpt is straight from the NaProTechnology.com website (because I couldn’t have said it better myself):
This is the first women’s health science to network family planning with reproductive health monitoring and maintenance. It is a fertility-care based medical approach rather than a fertility-control approach to family planning and gynecological health.
NaProTECHNOLOGY uses the Creighton Model FertilityCare™ System biomarkers to monitor easily and objectively the occurrence of various hormonal events during the menstrual cycle. NaProtracking provides valid information that can be interpreted by a woman and by physicians who are specifically trained in this system.
Unlike common suppressive or destructive approaches, NaProTECHNOLOGY works cooperatively with the procreative and gynecologic systems. When these systems function abnormally, NaProTECHNOLOGY identifies the problems and cooperates with the menstrual and fertility cycles that correct the condition, maintain the human ecology, and sustain the procreative potential.
Women now have an opportunity to know and understand the causes of the symptoms from which they suffer.
THIS is preventative women’s health! If a woman wants to know whether she is healthy enough to conceive and maintain a pregnancy, she needs to chart. If she wants to understand why she has painful periods or cramping in the middle of her cycle, she can find answers with NaProTECHNOLOGY. If there are ANY menstrual irregularities, the birth control pill does NOT regulate anything. Women deserve answers and the kind of medical care that gets to the root of the problems, rather than the standard “band aid” protocol they often receive that does much more harm than good. Creighton Model and NaProTECHNOLOGY gives us the knowledge we need about our bodies and the leverage to advocate for quality reproductive health care.
9) MY BACHELOR’S DEGREE IS BEING PUT TO GOOD USE (FINALLY!)
I graduated from Cal State University, Long Beach in 2000 with a B.S. in Health Science: Community Health. After working for 3 years in the public health sector, I realized that I preferred to work directly with people as opposed to sitting behind a computer doing research. God answered my prayers and led me out of community health into elementary school teaching, and I have always enjoyed my career as a Catholic school teacher. A part of me felt guilty about not pursuing a Master’s degree in Public Health, like I had wanted to years ago, but I found my niche and was having a blast despite the fact that I never before imagined I’d choose to surround myself with a classroom of junior high kids all day, every day. When the prospect of becoming a FertilityCare Practitioner arose, it dawned on me that I could as last use my health education background and training. I still work full-time with the school, and I meet clients in the evenings and on weekends – so it definitely is a lot at the moment. But I’m always amazed by how God gives me the energy for the client appointments after a full day of teaching. For that, I am so grateful!
10) WITNESSING GOD WORK IN PEOPLE’S LIVES
It is by no means a requirement to be Catholic to use the Creighton Model FertilityCare System. It can be taught in a completely secular setting without any mention of faith and Church teaching. This is important for people to know because ALL women – regardless of faith or religious affiliation – can benefit from learning how to identify biomarkers through charting their cycles.
That being said, most of our couples do come to us already seeking to follow God’s will for their lives and their marriages. Some have passed the childbearing years and simply want the information for their daughters and younger female relatives. It has been incredible to watch the different ways God speaks to those who come to us looking for alternatives to artificial birth control, sterilization, and IVF/IUI. Husbands and wives develop an increasingly stronger dynamic of communication, leading to prayerful discernment about many areas of their lives. Priorities shift and values become more important than temporary desires and ambitions. Catholics who want to educate themselves and others about natural family planning appreciate the tools they are given to explain how valuable Creighton Model is to a woman’s reproductive health. And engaged couples rise up to meet the challenges to remain chaste until marriage because they begin to understand the precious gift of the marital act reserved for their spouse alone.
Believe me, this work is not easy. It moves FAR BEYOND simply teaching the method. Much prayer (and fasting) goes into each one of my client cases. Many a follow-up session has involved counseling through the woman’s personal issues when we discuss how stress is affecting her cycles. But the Holy Spirit equips the called, and He has never failed me. I don’t ever feel that I have all the answers, so I have surrendered each woman…each couple…to the Lord. At the end of the evening I can only lift them up to Jesus in the Eucharist and present their needs to Him. And He is the One who works the miracles…
+AMDG+
For more information about CrMS and NaProTechnology, please visit:
NOTE: I’m still working on my CrMS Practitioner post, but I have to address a topic that calls for more immediate attention. This post was written as an answer to a few comments made about my ice cream & chocolate fast on the I Am Whole Life Facebook Page. If you’re curious about what was said, you can “Like” the page and find the post they put up called “Ice Cream and Chocolate”. It’s right next to a picture of my big belly, circa February 2011. 😉
Dear Stephanie and Tricia,
In response to your concerns, I respectfully do need to tell you: it’s more than just ice cream and chocolate. Until Abortion Ends has inspired awareness and dialogue…prayer and fasting. People all over the country have signed on to this movement to publicly voice their solidarity with I Am Whole Life for the sake of the unborn. And the sacrifices they make go beyond what you may hear about, or what may be seen as useless efforts to end abortion.
They give up their time in prayer. They spend hours reaching out to women who don’t feel they have any other options. They take on careers in arenas such as education, non-profit grassroots organizations, and pro-life community health clinics, not for six-figure salaries but for opportunities to change the culture. They even willingly open themselves up to ridicule for what they so strongly believe in.
Why? Because they are faithful. They do it for the over 1 million children who are aborted each year. For the mothers who grieve the loss they experience after such a desperate decision. For the fathers who were willing to raise those children, even if they had to do it alone. For the family members who never knew their brothers and sisters, cousins, nieces, nephews, and grandchildren. For the society that has condoned this horrific crime against humanity.
Pay close attention…the tide is turning. Never before has the United States seen so many young people this passionate about defending life. If you are looking for a way to curb the number of “unwanted pregnancies”, the solution lies within this new generation of youth and young adults who have committed themselves to this cause. Not only are they speaking up; they are promoting the dignity of the human person, advocating chastity, and rejecting the “use-and-abuse” mentality that plagues relationships all around them.
Abortion is not the answer to the pain we see in the hearts of these women who seek it out. The answer is a revolution of LOVE. Not a love that remains an abstract idea floating out there somewhere above our heads. It is a love that is concrete in ACTION. You can see it when you walk through the doors of a pro-life pregnancy center. It is evident in the compassionate words of a sidewalk counselor. It flows from the hearts of a couple that chooses to adopt these babies.
There are more resources out there for women than you may realize. And there are more women who would decide to continue with their pregnancies if they only knew how readily available these resources were. So in a nutshell, it’s our job to let them know. It’s going to take a lot of time our time. It’s going to take a lot of our energy. But those are sacrifices we are willing to make. And in the meantime, I’ll just keep praying, fasting, and being grateful for all the delightful desserts that constantly remind me of the cause I have devoted my whole life to. There are a few other things I do to help promote the culture of life beyond giving up yummy food. Feel free to browse around the blog for a while. It’s quite exciting work. 🙂
If you want to understand the reason behind the sacrificial fasts from a Catholic perspective, Kathleen Dunn does a wonderful job of explaining the powerful spiritual dynamic that takes place. http://kathleendunn.ca/
Graces flow, hearts are changed, and all are encouraged by our God who cares for each one of His beloved children.
As for factual research, here are some articles that you might want to read…
If you’d like to prevent deaths from occurring, then please help us teach the youth that their purity should be treasured. Guide them to make wise choices before choosing to enter into relationships. And should our pregnant women find themselves in a trying situation, I invite you to join us in protecting and serving the mother and the child – who BOTH have the right to live.
Yours truly,
Marianne Soratorio Dyogi
p.s. And guess what? “Jane Roe” of Roe v. Wade is pro-life. Watch this…
The Creighton Model System (CrMS) relies upon standardized observation and charting of biological markers that are essential to a woman’s health and fertility. These “biomarkers” tell the couple when they are naturally fertile and infertile, allowing the couple to use the system either to achieve or to avoid pregnancy. These biomarkers also telegraph abnormalities in a woman’s health. The CrMS allows a woman to unravel the mysteries of the menstrual cycle. (from www.creightonmodel.com)
I started using CrMS seven years ago as part of our marriage preparation process upon the recommendation of our priest, Fr. Ed Broom, OMV at St. Peter Chanel. My gynecologist had prescribed the birth control pill to me some 8 years before then to control endometriosis and to prevent the return of ovarian cysts after a surgery in 1997 to remove a cyst on my right ovary that grew to the size of a grapefruit (yikes!). I knew nothing about how the Pill worked. She said it was safe. I wasn’t using it for birth control purposes. I didn’t want to end up in the hospital again…so I took it.
See, you can’t stay on the Pill while you are learning a natural method and observing the signs of your body because the artificial hormones essentially SHUT DOWN the reproductive system for the entire time you are taking them. So I stopped because I had to. What of the endometriosis and the cysts? As far as I could feel, they didn’t come back but I also had a doctor who practiced some degree of NaProTechnology that cooperatively worked with CrMS to take care of any medical issues I had.
You’re waiting for my reasons, I know. So here they are…
1) LITTLE GARY
This is our first child. He was also our first “Creighton baby” because we timed his conception, hoping to deliver him during the summer so I wouldn’t have to take off work during the school year. He left us at 6 weeks old in the womb, and we were incredibly heartbroken. I had been working with a pro-life ob/gyn who was referred to me by my CrMS practitioner, and he was wonderful in spiritually and emotionally supporting us through the miscarriage. Not once did he say, “Well, you’re young. You can always try again.” He took his own personal rosary out of his pocket and prayed with us, giving us the rosary after we finished. We could see that not only was our doctor committed to his faith, he was committed to his patients as well.
2) MELEANA GRACE
A few months after losing Little Gary, we chose to try for another child. Using CrMS we were able to identify the fertile window and were able to conceive successfully. But since I already had a past miscarriage, my doctor continued pregnancy maintenance with Prometrium, a prescription medication that is chemically bioidentical to the progesterone naturally found in a woman’s body. This is standard protocol in NaProTechnology, and I am so grateful for it because there are many women who lose pregnancies in the first trimester, possibly due to low progesterone levels. God blessed us with Meleana Grace who was born on October 14, 2007.
3) THERESE HOPE
We planned on waiting until Meleana was 2 years old before having another baby, but Gary and I decided together that we would be open to the possibility. Creighton Model had worked well for us in postponing pregnancy months before, and this time it served its purpose for achieving our third pregnancy. Again I was placed on Prometrium for the first two trimesters, and I carried Therese to term with a smooth and quick delivery on March 13, 2009.
4) KALI DAMIEN
Our little boy, Kali Damien was born on Holy Thursday, April 21, 2011. We’re incredibly blessed to have him because after Therese I had 8 months of unusual postpartum bleeding. It was disheartening and terrifying at the same time. I didn’t know what was wrong with me and none of my doctors could figure out the problem, much less the solution. With the expertise of my Education Director and faculty Medical Consultant, I was put on Prometrium once again to jump start my cycles. What a relief it was to see a chart with some regularity! We wanted to continue growing our family, but my progesterone levels were still so low that I had two very early miscarriages. After a few months of consistent progesterone support, Kali was conceived and I continued to have my levels monitored throughout the pregnancy. Most ob/gyns advise against progesterone use after the 1st trimester, but our CrMS Medical Consultants want to make sure that the numbers stay up and will prescribe it through the 2nd trimester.
5) I’M A SCIENCE GEEK
I was completely fascinated by the Creighton Model Intro Session when my practitioner showed me slides of the ovulation cycle, cervical mucus, and the biomarkers that were unique to NaProTechnology. I’d never learned about the intricacies and complex processes of a woman’s body this way – and I was a science major. Over 30 years of research has gone into developing this system and refining it for women all over the world to learn. Now, I understand that not everyone is as captivated by this stuff but I’ve always been the kind of person to look for answers and explanations for EVERYTHING. I thought this was absolutely awesome.
6) IT’S A TRULY EMPOWERING SYSTEM FOR ALL WOMEN
This new understanding of fertility was mind-blowing, and it has allowed me to appreciate the authenticity of CrMS’s approach to women’s reproductive health. I wasn’t at the mercy of a doctor who wanted to send me home with an IUD or use the birth control pill as a band-aid for any and all problems that I was having with my cycle. Since I began using CrMS, I have 7 years worth of charts that serve as a medical record and a visual aid when I am communicating with my doctors. When I needed to rule out uterine/endometrial cancer during all the bleeding I was having, I was able to show the doctor what was going on and we were able to determine whether or not the treatment he was giving me was working. He was willing to look for the possible causes much more quickly because of the information my chart provided.
7) IT MAKES FOR A STRONGER MARRIAGE
Jason Evert wrote a beautiful article about why couples who use a natural method of family planning have such low divorces rates. The following points are made:
NFP depends on some of the same virtues as marriage itself: commitment, communication, consideration, and self-control
Since the spouses are not constantly sexually available to the other, it keeps them from taking the other for granted
In the words of one husband, “It’s wonderful because it almost creates the honeymoon over and over again.”
It allows you to love in many different ways
The exchange of the marital act is not as likely to be a means to bury problems but an opportunity to celebrate their love
They tend to have larger families [by choice], and divorce rates are highest where children are fewest
NFP couples also tend to take their faith, and therefore the sacrament of marriage, more seriously than the average contracepting couple
They are truly renewing their wedding promises each time they exchange the marital act
I grew up thinking that my menstrual cycle would function like clockwork. I was told to expect my period every 28 days or so. If I don’t get it, I’m probably pregnant. But there is a biological orchestra playing every day that I wasn’t even aware of until I started using CrMS. Little did I know how many changes my body actually goes through, with hormones constantly fluctuating between pregnancies…irregularities that I never expected…stress that I have to deal with – all affecting my fertility in so many different ways. I’ve been able to detect those changes and understand what is going on hormonally, based on what I observe on a day-to-day basis. Because my body is so unique – as is every woman’s – my CrMS Practitioner helped me navigate through my cycles with a program that is specifically tailor-made to my particular situation. It’s definitely not a “one-size-fits-all” kind of method. Creighton Model FertilityCare System is designed for a variety of reproductive categories, and coupled with NaProTechnology has served me well as a single woman, in my marriage to both achieve and avoid pregnancy, and also through the abnormalities that needed to be diagnosed and treated.
9) IT’S SAFE!
In a “green world”, I am so grateful that I have a system that is completely natural and free of artificial carcinogenic chemicals. It’s frightening to listen to the litany of possible side effects at the end of birth control commercials. I would rather choose periodic abstinence during fertile days than to flood my body with contraceptive pills that increase my risk of heart disease, breast cancer, and stroke. The rings, patches, implants, and shots are no different. None of them are good for a women’s health or for her fertility. Designed to interfere with the natural processes of fertility, these methods of artificial contraception prevent ovulation, attack the cervix, and deplete the uterine lining. Intrauterine devices (IUDs) disrupt the uterine environment and do not allow an embryo (a.k.a. BABY) to implant into the lining if conception should occur. The same happens in the case of a breakthrough ovulation with progestin-only or combination birth control pills that thin out the lining of the uterus. Birth control + Baby unable to implant = Early Abortion.
Additionally, since we are using CrMS, we are not planning on having surgeries that will damage our reproductive organs. Couples who choose sterilization may suffer from post-vasectomy complications and an increase incidence of kidney stones in men, and/or post-tubal ligation complications and an increase in pelvic infections in women. I could go on and on with these topics, but for the purposes of this entry I will leave you with this website:
Research has shown the Creighton Model FertilityCare System to be 99.5% effective to avoid pregnancy. It is 98% effective to achieve pregnancy within 6 cycles of use in couples of normal fertility. With couples facing infertility, there is a 20-40% rate of effectiveness just using CrMS alone to identify days of fertility. The numbers skyrocket up to 80% with both CrMS and medical treatment. There are thousands of couples all over the world that will attest to the benefits of using Creighton Model with NaProTechnology. It does take time and patience to learn, but we are so grateful that we stuck to it. I truly feel that the fertility awareness and knowledge I have has given me leverage when dealing with my doctors, strengthened my marriage, and kept me healthier overall. I can’t thank Dr. Hilgers enough for devoting his life to this work, and for the countless CrMS Practitioners and Medical Consultants who make themselves available to educate, empower, and serve women like me.
For more information about CrMS and NaProTechnology, please visit:
I had the most profound conversation with my 4-year-old daughter just a few minutes ago. This is how it went:
Meleana: Mommy, why do you and Daddy have rings on your fingers?
Me: Because we’re married to each other. It means we’re going to be together forever and ever.
Meleana: Why?
Me. Because we love each other.
Meleana: Why?
Me: Because God gave us to each other. God gave your Daddy to me to take care of me.
Meleana: Why?
Me: Because sometimes I can’t take care of myself.
Meleana: When me and Therese are big like you, we’re gonna get married too…just like you and Daddy.
Me: You want to get married?
Meleana: Yeah.
Me: Do you want to have babies after you get married, like I had babies?
Meleana: Yeah. But me and Therese don’t have babies because our tummies are small!
Me: If you and Therese get married, we have to pray that you’ll have good husbands, just like Daddy. Does Daddy help take good care of me?
Meleana (nodding her head): Mmm hmm.
Me: Do you want a good husband to help take care of you, just like Daddy takes care of me?
Meleana (nodding her head): Mmm hmm. But me and Therese don’t want to be alone here all by ourself.
Me: You won’t be alone. That’s why Daddy is here to take care of you when I go to work.
Meleana: But when you and Daddy go away and me and Therese get married in the Church, we don’t want to be alone by ourself.
Me (tearing up): Lea, when Mommy and Daddy go to Heaven, we’ll always pray for you. It’s okay, you won’t be alone.
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This isn’t the first time Lea has asked about our wedding rings. Our little girl understands more than we realize. She knows the rings Gary and I wear are important…that they mean something to both of us. She knows we have a special relationship with each other…that being married is good…and that we get married in the Church because that’s just what we do.
One day the world will show her that not all marriages last forever…that people rush into a lifetime commitment way too quickly…and that not all men are good husbands. I just pray that she will always appreciate what marriage is supposed to be from the example that Gary and I leave her and her siblings.
Sometimes I get scared when I think about our children growing up. I don’t want them to lose their innocence and I would love to be able to save them from getting hurt. But reality proves that we can’t shelter them from everything and make every decision for them regarding their futures. My husband and I are trying our best to provide a good faith foundation for them so they will learn how to discern what the best choices are for their lives. We talk to them about their feelings and listen to what they have to say. They know we love them even though we don’t let them have or do whatever they want.
So when the day comes that they come to us to let us know there is a “special someone” in their lives, we can only hope and pray that they have also listened to everything we had to teach them about what real love is…what the promise in marriage is really all about…and how we have loved each other through the good times and bad, in sickness and in health, until death and into forever and ever.
I didn’t marry you because you were perfect. I didn’t even marry you because I loved you. I married you because you gave me a promise. That promise made up for your faults. And the promise I gave you made up for mine. Two imperfect people got married and it was the promise that made the marriage. And when our children were growing up, it wasn’t a house that protected them; and it wasn’t our love that protected them – it was that promise. – Thornton Wilder
The celebration of Christmas is only three days away. Just this week, I’ve heard of four people passing from this world into the next, and I can’t help but feel overcome with sadness for the family and friends who have been left behind – especially during the holidays when most people will be reuniting with loved ones at the dinner table or in front of the Christmas tree.
But that’s only one perspective.
For young Jesse Guzman and the others who have been called home, there will be another kind of reunion at another kind of table with Jesus Himself. While we are here placing the statue of the Christ Child in the manger of our porcelain or wood-carved Nativity scenes, they will be in the presence of the Holy Family…welcomed by our Blessed Mother, St. Joseph, and the Savior of the World.
What better Christmas present than the gift of ETERNAL LIFE.
Of course we want our family members here with us. We miss our friends and remember the memories we shared. I know how much my mom would love to see my dad surrounded by his eight grandchildren. But this is where we are given the opportunity to love them into the arms of the One who is LOVE Himself.
When I saw Jesse lying there in the hospital with his beloved mother stroking his head, I begged God for a miracle. How amazing it would have been if he recovered, leaving the neurologists baffled at the impossible. Yet somewhere in all of this pain, there was a greater miracle to be performed in the hearts of those who loved him…those who cared for him…those who prayed for him and generously donated to his family’s expenses.
God’s providential Hand is always at work. We may not always understand what He is doing, but we know that it must be good because HE IS GOOD.
For Jesse, the outcome was GOOD. Actually, it was better than good. It was BEAUTIFUL. He was healed. Our community answered a call to love. The suffering was temporary for him, and it will be temporary for us. Just like it was temporary for Jesus and Mary.
May we approach Christmas Day with open hearts, allowing the peace and joy that our faith promises to fill us to overflowing. This is the hope of Advent as we await the coming of the Lord…
As He Loves Ministries 